Lata (name changed) thought her second marriage would bring the much-needed happiness for her and her son Rudra. But her new husband insisted that Rudra be put in a hostel. She hesitantly accepted. A few years later, Lata conceived again. Rudra wanted to be with his mother. Lata, who felt that she had wronged Rudra, brought him home. Her marriage soon came crashing down. The story that Lata and women like her narrate is familiar. Looking for companionship and happiness, they take a second leap of faith despite it having not worked for them before. But the bubble bursts soon. Advocates said such cases had increased dramatically in the last few years, as gender roles and patriarchy were shaken up. Relationships have become more volatile, the men are empowered domestically and the women financially.
"The chances of second marriages failing are higher when both partners have children from their first marriage", said Ms. Anita Shalabh Jain, an advocate who has worked on family cases for a year. In Lata's case, it was the ego of having the 'other man's' son that came in between her marriage and her husband. Most people marry again for companionship or under pressure from their family, said Uma (name changed), whose second marriage fell apart in three months.
"The Indian women always has to live with the stigma of a divorce. Wherever she goes, that becomes a topic of discussion, and some day you give in", she says.
A divorce may end in mutual agreement or in contest, depending upon the parties involved. If cases of cruelty, desertion, domestic violence or dowry harassment are involved, the quasi-legal case could drag on. When entering a second marriage, the woman's children have to be adopted by the new husband in order for the child to be able to claim rights on his property. But in most re-marriages, the husband avoids the topic, which may lead to friction as the woman senses financial insecurity about their child's future. "This step child never enjoys the same rights", said advocate Anita Shalabh Jain.
As seen in the case of Archana (name changed), where when she demanded that her child from her first marriage be adopted, the husband refused and it led to their marriage collapsing. Archana says there were no problems regarding compatibility but trust issues crept in. Second divorces also have higher complexities on matters of maintenance and alimony. "Men say women are financially stable so there is no need to give them maintenance. But maintenance includes dowry and expenses", said an expert.
Lawyers say the changing dynamics of relationships has made questioning marriage easier for couples, however traumatic it may be. "People don't shy away from accepting that the relationship is going bad, it's only a way forward to more mature relationships", said Ms. Jain.
Once Bitten, Twice May Not Be Shy, It's Still A Fight: Going in for a second round of divorce takes a toll on the health of couples, say advocates who have seen their clients suffer.
"Any kind of psychological trauma will take a toll on their body and their health", said counselling psychologist Dr. Diana Moteiro. The counselling psychologist said she hadn't seen many couples in their second marriage seeking counselling. She however, added that it could be due to stigma caused by distinction to accept a second failure or their direct inclination to go for a divorce as they are more prepared to handle the situation.
Counsellors say the stress of separation can cause ulcers, headaches and disorders like BP and diabetes.
Uma (name changed), who experience bigamy in her first marriage and lack of compatibility in her second marriage, said, "South Indian middle class families don't have a support system".
"They say, 'just give him a divorce'. What about justice? What about my rights that were violated?" she added.
In the case of Uma, who failed to get justice in her first marriage, her rights and the rights of her children took priority in the second divorce.
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